Paula


Going Like the Clappers

Three days later, on Saturday morning, I'd just got up when the doorbell went. It was Josh. He looked sunburnt and was pleased to see me: he picked me up, carried me into the bedroom, undressed me and gave me a good seeing to. Then he said, "Hello, I'm back."

We lay together, side by side. "How would you like to move house?" he said.

"Move house? We've only been here a couple of months!"

"To a house, a place we can call our own."

I was astonished. "What's brought this on?" I said.

"Well," he said vaguely. "I've had a bit of luck..."

"Oh, Josh, you haven't been gambling," I said, though it would have been most out of character.

He laughed. "No, nothing like that. Let's just say a rich uncle. I thought it would be nice to get away from the surgery."

"Rich uncle?" I said. "What rich uncle?"

He shrugged. "Oh, didn't know him really". Then changing the subject: "Did you meet anyone interesting while I was away?"

"I did," I said duskily. "Heather, she picked me up..." But Josh stopped me.

"Tell me later, every detail," he said. "I've got to pop into the Stroudly Permanent before they close."

"Ah, the Stroudly: funnily enough Heather is one of the directors' wives."

"Really?" Josh said. "How many wives has he got?"

"Tch, silly," I said.

Josh zoomed off to town. While he was gone I unpacked his case, or rather his cases - he had acquired a new one while he'd been away. It was full of clothes I'd never seen before, in fact it had everything he'd have needed - including a brand new razor. The case I had packed for him hadn't been opened.

When he came back I asked him about it.

"Ah, bit of a mix up at the airport. Bag went missing, had to buy new kit. Right, must have a bath, must smell a bit fruity."

He had a bath, had a sandwich then went to bed though it was only early afternoon. He was still fast asleep when I went to bed at 10 o'clock. Half way through the night I was wakened by something tickling my bottom. I felt to see what it was. Josh was peeing on me in his sleep. He was dreaming and seemed to be muttering 'cover, cover' over and over again.

He slept until 11 o'clock next morning - twenty two hours solid sleep. I didn't say anything about him wetting the bed.

That evening I told Josh all about Heather and Derek. When I got to the right bit I showed him the pictures. Josh wanked on my face.

We went house hunting and whittled it down to two. Both detached in their own grounds. One was in a beautiful location but a bit run down, the other beautifully maintained but without the views. I preferred the nicer house but Josh said: "What if we could put that house in the other location?"

"That would be perfect," I'd replied.

"Let's do it," Josh said. "Buy the other one and do it up." Josh knew an architect and said the builders who worked on the barracks were reliable.

Well, Josh and the architect had it all planned out within a few weeks. Four bedrooms became three all en suite; new kitchen, new windows; everything.

Josh said since the dental practice was doing so well - though it never seemed to be that busy to me - he didn't mind if I gave up work, so I did.

While the builders were hard at it we decided to go away for a weekend. I fancied something outdoors - influenced by the hale and hearty Heather and Derek I suspect - so we went on an activity weekend in Wales.

We found a little hotel near the canoeing centre. I'd never been in a canoe, Josh said he had once. However, Josh slipped into his canoe effortlessly while I was wobbling and clinging to the instructor to prevent an unscheduled cold dip.

We paddled up the river in convoy to a small lake. The instructor lined us up, backs to the bank.

"Has anyone ever done an Eskimo Roll?" he asked.

Some chap at the other end of the line said he had.

"Would you like to show how it's done?" the instructor asked. The chap declined.

"OK, this is how you do it." The instructor leaned over, capsized and a few moments later popped up on the other side and cleverly levered himself upright with his paddle. We all clapped.

He explained how it was done, said it wasn't dangerous, and asked if anyone would like to have a go. The girl on our end of the row declined but Josh said he'd have a go.

He took several exaggerated deep breaths before holding his breath and keeling over. Then, amidst much splashing, he disappeared under the water - and stayed disappeared. After what seemed like an age but was probably only a few seconds the instructor started to paddle urgently towards us. I looked down into the water and could see Josh moving his paddle to and fro. Josh popped up and got himself upright, spluttering and coughing, holding his hand up saying he was OK.

Nobody else volunteered to try an Eskimo Roll. But as the instructor worked along the row asking if there were any takers Josh smiled and winked at me. When the instructor was trying to persuade the chap at the other end to have a go Josh suddenly keeled his canoe over, went under and popped up the other side all in one smooth, graceful movement - no splashing, no huffing, no puffing.

He was upright and looking all innocent by the time the instructor had turned to see what had caught his eye.

"You bloody liar," I hissed at Josh.

"All part of the training," he said.

Josh did like his little japes.

That night we'd just got in to bed and I was looking in the bedside drawer. There was only a bible there. But when I shut the drawer the lights in the room went out.

"What happened?" Josh said.

"Don't know, was it me?" I said.

"Try it again," Josh said.

I opened and shut the drawer with a bang and, hey presto, the lights came on again!

"Hmm," Josh said. "Must be one of those disabled rooms with clapper lights."

"What's that?" I said.

"Try clapping loudly," he said.

I did and the lights went out. I clapped again and they came on.

"What a good idea," I said, at which point the lights went off.

"Have to speak more quietly," Josh whispered.

"They were all right before," I said.

"They obviously get more sensitive when they've been activated," he said.

I wasn't in the mood for talking anyway so cuddled up to him. But just the noise of me moving in the bed made the lights come on again.

"Bloody hell," I said - making the lights go off - "we can't have this happening all night," turning the lights on again.

"Let's be quiet for a few minutes, maybe that'll sort it out," Josh whispered in my ear.

We lay motionless for several minutes. Until I sneezed. Off went the lights.

"It's no good," I said. "I'm going to get someone to come and sort it out."

Josh said I shouldn't make a fuss, but I was determined to, so I called reception and they said the duty manager would be right up.

I clapped the lights on and went to get the towelling robes, but just opening the bathroom door plunged us into darkness again.

The manager's knock on the door switched the lights on again.

"Good evening, madam, I understand you are having some difficulty with the lights?"

"Yes," I said rather huffily, "It's these clapper lights, they've gone berserk, they keep going on and off at the slightest thing."

"Excuse me, madam," the manager said patiently. "Clapper lights?"

"Yes." And I clapped my hands loudly to show him what I meant, but nothing happened, the lights stayed stubbornly on.

"That's funny," I said. I tried closing the bathroom door, loudly, but nothing.

"Maybe it's because the room door is open," I said. I closed the door and clapped again. Still nothing.

The manager was by this time looking at me as if I was a complete lunatic. He cleared his throat. "Well, madam, if it happens again please ring and we'll transfer you to another room." And with that he backed out of the room eyeing me lest I perhaps fall to the floor and bite his ankle.

"Would you believe it!" I said turning to Josh.

But Josh was lying on the bed in silent but helpless hysterics.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

He couldn't get the words out.

"Come on, Josh," I said, starting to get annoyed.

He lifted his hands and clapped, but this only served to send him into further paroxysms. He clapped again and gestured for me to do it.

I clapped - nothing happened. He gestured for me to clap again - and this time as I clapped Josh put his hand down beside the bed and the lights went out. I clapped again and they came on.

And finally it dawned. Josh had been switching the lights on and off.

"You bastard. You absolute bastard," I said slowly. "I am going to absolutely murder you for that." I was absolutely livid. I leapt on him, pummelling him with my fists. I beat at his chest, but he just kept laughing.

I put my hand up his robe. "I'm going to tear your bloody balls of for that!"

But he grabbed my wrist before I could do him any lasting damage and rolled over on top of me. He wasn't laughing any more and had a definite glint in his eye.

"Oh no you don't, mate." I said. "That's rape." I could feel him stiff against me and I tried to fight him off, but I was no match for him and he soon had my robe open and my legs apart. I twisted and tried to prevent it but there was nothing I could do and, wham, he was in me.

And then it began to feel nice and I graciously let him kiss me. I relaxed, but Josh was hurting me, being brutal with me. But I began to laugh. Maybe his little trick had been quite funny after all and I'd had a bit of a sense of humour failure. I laughed more which set Josh laughing until we were laughing so much that he rolled off me and we just lay in each other's arms alternately bursting out laughing.

"You're a cunt, Mr Floppy Dick," I said, grasping the offending organ.

"I'm sure a good suck would do the trick," he suggested.

"Ha! If you think you're getting a blow job after playing that dirty trick on me you've got another think coming!" I said. "You're the one who should be doing the head job."

"Ah well, if you insist." And before I knew it he was down between my legs, his tongue up my cunt.

I made him stay down there and do me until I was so sensitive I couldn't take any more, then I commanded him to fuck me doggy style but forbade him to come. When I had come like a bitch, I made him kneel on all fours and I knelt up behind him thrusting my cunt against his arse as if fucking him doggy style while all the while wanking him.

Then realising I had him at my mercy I grabbed his balls and squeezed them, probably rather harder than I had meant to and - bang! - the next thing I knew I was instantly on my back and Josh had me pinioned, his arm across my throat.

He looked as surprised as I was and backed off straight away.

"Oops, sorry," he said. "Training."

"Training? You mean the army train you how to throw somebody when they grab your balls?" I said laughing.

"Actually, they do," he said.

That amused me. "I see. So that's what you get up to, grabbing each other by the balls all day - great fun!"

"Believe me," he said. "When some hairy-arsed sergeant grabs you by the balls one thing I can assure you it isn't is fun."

I realised I'd touched a raw nerve - or whatever it is men have in their testicles.

I said, as seductively as I could: "My arse isn't hairy, can I play with them?" I pushed him onto his back and began to lick his balls and his arse.

"Wank yourself off while I lick you, will you Josh?" I said.

I watched him wank as I licked him. I told him when he could come. I watched the spunk shoot out of him and go right over his head and hit the headboard!

Well, we fucked all night. In bed, in the bathroom, on the floor, standing up, sitting on the lavatory. We watched each other wank, we pissed on each other in the bath, we sucked each other off, he fucked me across the dressing table. We fucked each other to a standstill.

We had had only a couple of hours sleep when we staggered down, uncomfortably, to breakfast.

The duty manager was on the reception desk. As we walked past him I clapped my hands together loudly and looked up at the lights. "See?" I said to Josh. "They don't work down here either."

Josh made a 'she's a loony' gesture and the manager nodded understandingly.

That day one of the options was riding. Josh wasn't too keen: "Not awfully good on a horse. Fell off one in Oman - nearly cost me dear." But he didn't elaborate.

We went riding - I'd had a pony as a child. The instructor - the same one - gave Josh the biggest, meanest, grumpiest horse.

Josh was hopeless. With him it was a struggle of wills rather than a symbiotic relationship. He seemed determined to beat his horse into submission - subtlety certainly wasn't on the menu. Watching him flailing along on the thing amused me - I had visions of him tearing across the desert arms and legs all over the place shouting at his unfortunate beast: 'No, that way, that way you stupid animal!' If they'd made it a mechanical horse he'd have been fine.

I could hardly walk by the time we got back to the hotel. My cunt was sore as hell and I ached all over. After a long soak in the bath we went down for dinner.

Half way through dinner we noticed a couple at another table looking in our direction and smiling. We didn't recognise them - no-one else from the activity centre was staying in the hotel as far as we could tell. We smiled back politely and got on with our meal.

The other couple got up to leave as we were having coffee. They came over to our table, beaming at us like long lost friends.

"Who the hell are they?" I whispered to Josh as they approached.

"Hello," the bloke said. "We, er, wondered if you'd like to join us for a drink in the bar."

We exchanged glances and Josh said: "Yes, thank you, we'll be through shortly."

She was smiling at me knowingly. I smiled back weakly. They went off to the bar.

"Christ, they're picking us up!" Josh said. "Did you see the way she was looking at you?"

"Oh, not tonight!" I said. "I'm still hurting from last night and riding that horse and I'm worn out."

Josh was disappointed. "Where's your spirit of adventure? We can just have a chat with them, maybe they just wanted someone to talk to."

I could see there was no way I was going to put him off. Besides, I'd seen the way he'd looked at her tits.

From the moment we sat down there was no doubt that they wanted to fuck us. She, Lynda, was as flirtatious as hell - with Josh and with me - leaning forward so we could look down her cleavage, showing off her long legs.

They were both attractive but I couldn't work up any enthusiasm, all I wanted to do was sleep. Josh's enthusiasm stuck out a mile and he made no attempt to disguise it. Half way through our first drink it was she who said: "Shall we finish these upstairs?"

Josh looked at me, knowing how I felt.

"Look, I'm sorry," I said. "You're both very attractive, but I'm not feeling at all well. Josh, if you want to..."

"Come on, Paula," he said. "You'll be OK once you get into the swing of it."

Seeing that we were in danger of falling out, John said to us: "Look, we're in room 24. If you change your mind just wander along, we'll leave the door open."

I felt awful at spoiling everyone's evening. John and Lynda got up and left, probably thinking we were just a pair of timewasters.

We went up to bed. Josh didn't say anything, but when he undressed he made sure I saw he was still stiff as a ramrod. I thought the least I could do was give him a blow job, so when we got in to bed I fought the desire for sleep and went down on him. I had hardly started when there was a faint knock on the door.

I got up, didn't even wrap a towel round me, and opened the door just enough to peer round it. It was Lynda, wearing a short, diaphanous nightie. She did look absolutely gorgeous.

"I just came to see if you wanted to change your mind," she said.

Not wanting her to stand practically naked in the corridor, I opened the door and let her in.

She put her arm round my waist and kissed me then walked into the room.

Josh was sitting up in bed looking eager.

"What are you hiding under there?" Lynda said.

Josh didn't need a second invitation. He pulled back the bedclothes to reveal his stiff cock.

"Paula was just giving me a blow job," he said.

Josh was going to fuck her whatever I said - she was irresistible.

"Go on then," I said heavily. I could hardly keep my eyes open so I got a blanket out of the wardrobe and curled up on the sofa. I watched Lynda shed her nightie and stand there looking down at Josh, making him wait for her. There was a definite crackle of electricity between the two of them.

I think I was asleep before they'd even touched.

I was woken by the sound of voices. It was light outside. Josh, Lynda and John were all sitting up in bed.

"Hello stranger!" Lynda said.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Seven o'clock," Lynda said. "You've been dead to the world."

I sat up.

"How are you feeling?" Josh said.

"Actually, much better," I said. And I did. "What have you been doing?" I asked. Which was a pretty stupid question.

They all laughed. "What haven't we been doing?" Lynda said.

"We did try to wake you up," Josh said.

"I didn't hear a thing," I said.

"That's not how we tried to wake you up," Lynda said. "I'm going to have a shower. These boys have been creaming over me and in me all night." She climbed out of her cosy lair between the two boys and crossed to me. "See?" she said, brushing at her spunk encrusted breasts.

I was attracted to her. I was definitely feeling better. I reached out and felt her breasts.

"Oh ho!" John said to Josh. "Your Mrs has come to life after all."

Lynda held out her hand to me. "Come on, help me wash it off in the shower."

Lynda and I washed each other in the shower, but apart from washing each other all over and a bit of snogging, nothing more developed.

Josh came in to clean his teeth and said John had gone back to their room. I was in the mood, but Josh and Lynda were obviously shagged out. I was beginning to regret missing out on what had clearly been quite a session.

We breakfasted together. I was looking forward to getting back upstairs, but after breakfast John said: "Well, we must be going." It transpired they had to travel to Birmingham to catch a plane to Portugal.

I was thoroughly cheesed off. During the day Josh started to tell me what had happened the night before, but that just made me feel more upset that I'd missed all the fun. We drove around in the countryside and found a little pub for lunch. Josh didn't seem at all tired despite two nights of fucking and a day's horse riding. That evening we scoured the hotel for someone to have fun with, but no joy.

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